Self-Love isn’t Selfish
In my opinion, the ability to love oneself is one of the hardest concepts to learn. It is an idea that we all struggle to accept. We’re so critical of ourselves that we do not give ourselves the credit we deserve. Some of us may not even realize the harm that we do to ourselves by lacking love of oneself. Before I could dive into my own journey of self-love, I had to understand what self-love consists of. So what is self-love?
Self-love is the act of caring for and valuing oneself. It involves treating yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion. Self-love means accepting yourself for who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, and understanding that you are worthy of love and respect.
I used to fully believe that I was not worthy of love and respect, so I would act in ways that reflected this. As a result, I was not loved or respected by others; I was used, taken advantage of, tossed aside, etc. Some of my classmates said things about me that validated my belief that I was not worthy. Looking back, I realize the root of my problem. Yes, the things said about me were hurtful and rude, but I cannot blame others for treating me the same exact way that I treated myself. I gave them the instructions on how to make me feel worthless and unlovable by acting as if I was. Once I finally realized this, I no longer wanted to be that girl. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be changed.
Even though I knew that I needed to learn how to love myself, I could not understand how to actually feel that love for the longest time. Knowing you need to do something and actually doing it are two completely different things, but awareness is the first step; at least I had that. This provoked me to do some research of my own. I had to find the key to answering the question, “What can I do to love myself?”
The first action I took to love myself was looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself amazing qualities about myself. I didn’t believe them at first. I felt silly doing it, but eventually, I actually did believe that I am an amazing, genuine, worthy, respectable, and lovable person. I believe that I have so much to offer, which has more to do with self-esteem than self-love, but my self-love made it possible for me to have a high self-esteem.
However, my ability to love myself did not only happen because I told myself good things in the mirror. I struggled to allow myself to feel self love and respect because I could not forgive myself for how I acted when I felt like I was nothing. I was so ashamed of the decisions I had made, but I had to accept my decisions, understand why I made them, and learn from them. In the process, I learned that I acted in a distasteful manner because I was not okay. I was hurt and felt empty. In an attempt to feel something, I filled my life with everything that was wrong for me, and it ultimately made me feel worse about myself. I couldn’t change the damage I had already caused to both myself and others, but I could make sure it would not happen again. I have the power to turn my life around. This knowledge was the factor that allowed me to forgive myself.
My journey of self-love did not end there though. It’s a journey that I am still trying to understand and work on, and it will always be that way. I’m constantly changing and growing, and with that, my needs do the same. Thankfully, there are so many ways to express love of oneself.
Self-love can take many forms, such as:
- Practicing self-care
- taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being
- Setting boundaries
- saying no to things that don’t serve you and prioritizing your needs.
- Celebrating your achievements
- recognizing and celebrating your accomplishments, big or small.
- Forgiving yourself
- letting go of self-blame or shame and practicing self-forgiveness.
- Being kind to yourself
- speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion, just like you would to a friend.
Self-love is not a one-time action, but rather a continuous practice that requires ongoing effort and commitment. When you love yourself, you develop a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem, which can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life.
